People often suggest to me that the choice I made nearly fourteen years ago was erroneous. That somehow I am mistaken. I can't help but do a little introspection at those times, not because I am doubtful but to be converted all over again, I welcome these occasions!
The apostle John counsels us to, "believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world." 1 John 4:1 What I read here is that we are to sincerely seek the truth in the teachings. You can not do so with out trying to live it. Now I realize that most of the questions come by others who have a desire for good to become of my life but, I do become a little incensed when some approach me with this attitude at times. I feel that way when I think of where I was spiritually and temporally. I ask myself, "where were they when I was wallowing in poverty and hopelessness? Where were they when I was pleading literally everyday for the Lord to send someone to show me the way?" They and their way was nowhere to be found. In fact I may have entered their houses of worship and did not find the peace that I sought. You see this was not the first place I sought. I really did go and I really did "try" but I did not find.
I sought so earnestly until that Sunday in a church in Gulfport, FL when my friend and I looked at each other, he waiting for what my thoughts where, when I shook my head and said, "these are good people but something is missing." When service was over we walked to the convenience store got two beers and two black and mild cigars. I remember twisting the cap off of the drink in despair saying, "I don't think Jesus' church is on the earth." We were weary! We were searching but no one was there to teach us the fullness so we decided that we would just try to live as best we could and when we died we would ask that He understand but that we had looked for His way.
That night I said the same thing in my prayers that I was done looking because the church that He founded, the one I read about in the bible is not recognizable in my world. So again I think and ask who could I run to for solace? No one, until two young men knocked on my door dressed in white shirts and ties with a black name tag on the pocket that read "Jesus Christ." They came claiming that Jesus had done something in our day not just two thousand years ago. That they had a way to lift me above my surroundings, that He had raised up and called Prophets and Apostles. Not only did they claim that but they brought something with them, the Holy Ghost was with them. It was so powerful. The message so sweet and refreshing. The Spirit too testified that what they were saying was true. They then said something that really was different, "don't take our word for it, go to your knees ask God in your own personal prayers. He will let you know again by the power of His Holy Spirit."
I did that, and He did speak of the truth. I can not deny those things. I am more sure of that than anything else in this life. I recognize just how precious my witness and testimony is, in other words just how fragile it is. It is more tender than a sprouting plant. If neglected it will wither away and will not reach its true potential. Thus I will not be able to enjoy its fruits. So I nourish it with the Word everyday. I remember where I was before they knocked on my door. You see I did indeed try that spirit and it is of God!
